WHAT IS AN INTIMACY COACH?

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I wanted to know more about what an Intimacy coach is. I spoke to one of our beautiful therapists Kalindi Jordan about what her work entails, what it means and how an Intimacy coach could help women.

What do you mean by ‘Intimacy’ and What is an Intimacy coach?

‘Intimacy’ – being in focused present attention within the body.
‘Coaching’ – experiential training or instruction, leading the recipient to discover their own answers and experiences.

I guide and teach women how to meet and engage with the sensations of their body. To come into a deeper fascination with and understanding of their female anatomy, the reproductive and hormonal systems, emotional system, their mental system and how to learn to understand the messages that their body is telling them through the myriad of sensations within the body and mind.

How do you do that?

I start by talking to the woman to get an understanding of the stories of her body and stories of her sexual experiences; for example if there is pain in the pelvis, as she speaks her body will start to show particular sensory symptoms and cues.

Cues are armouring. These are ways a woman can protect herself, sometimes through numbness, drifting off into a disconnect, pain in, say, her ovaries or hips, shaking legs, her breath becomes shallow, or feels sick.

From there I start guiding her into these cues. For example if she talks about certain lovers from her past, her body will start feeling a certain way and I will guide her to feel into her body and into that sensation, we will meet that sensation, by using breath and touch she can gently start to release the pain through the body. I am very sensitive to feeling what goes on inside people.

Why would someone come to see an Intimacy coach?

When there is something that is happening in your body and you don’t understand it, or you want to change it, or you know you could be experiencing more pleasure, intimacy or something more delicious, than you are. I would suggest for you to go to someone that does this kind of work because they will be able to assist you in the areas of sensuality, sexuality and intimacy. It doesn’t have to be a big issue; it might be just because you want more fun or pleasure.

If your client has been sexually abused for instance, how would you work with her?

I normally work with women that have previously done some talk based therapy in this situation, so the mind has some knowledge and some frame work to hold the understanding of how she has managed to cope after the incident.

A women’s throat is directly related to her Yoni (Sanskrit for Vagina) and actually if you look inside the throat it looks very like a Yoni. So it’s important also to release through our mouths, to verbalise instead of swallowing it down.

Women who have been abused come to me because they feel their bodies are still in some kind of restrictive or challenging pattern. Often there are particular symptoms connected to the Psoas muscle (pictured below) which is the flight or fight muscle. Muscle tension builds up in their body and Psoas, their legs can start shaking for instance. I would show them how to soften the Psoas, using breath, massage, and deep tissue work around the belly. It’s about coming into a deeper, more curious and less judgemental and reactive relationship with the sensation – so the sensation doesn’t keep freaking them out as the body remembers the sensation which triggers the mind back into the past.

PSOAS-MUSCLES

Abuse has a vast array of symptoms, some women become more sensitive in the Yoni, some numb, but I would start working with the breath and the Psoas because that generally holds the core beliefs and trauma of body. When you can find peace with the sensation you can start to change your relationship to the experience.

Please suggest a tip for women to become more intimate with their own bodies.

One I particularly love is using spirals. Life grows in spirals, DNA is a spiral, leaves, trees and nature grows in spirals. So this is a lovely way we can connect to our ovaries. It’s very simple:

Put your little fingers into the creases of your groin, laying the palms of your hands onto the area directly over your ovaries.

Start moving your palms in a small spiral, very consciously, slowly and intimately, up the centre line, spiralling out and down around the ovaries. The movement makes a kind of heart shape.

Notice the sensations in your body. It’s amazing when you tune in, what can start moving, even your womb can start responding to this movement. You can extend this spiralling movement out to your hips, you can also include to your kidneys, bladder. Relaxing the kidneys assists relaxing the bladder which assists relaxing the womb, so you are self-nurturing and you are remaining in fascination of the sensations.

As an intimacy coach what is the most common issue you see within women?

A common thread would be women disconnecting from their body during sex and love making. There will be many reasons why they do this, for instance pain during sex, Vaginismus, not feeling safe with their sexual power, expression and vulnerability.

I work with women who have a lack of libido, fertility issues, want to find a man who can really match them, hysterectomy, menopause, numbness, fear and many more.

How do you help them reconnect to their bodies and not disconnect while making love to their partner?

I teach simple, effective embodiment and intimacy tools like ‘spirals’ I just mentioned, and what I call ‘making love to yourself throughout the day’. I feel as women we ARE the fore play. By making your day as much as possible like foreplay by coming into an intimate relationship with your own body and being present with your own touch. So often we expect our lovers to be completely present while lovemaking, but how often do we do that ourselves? During the day our minds are dragging us all over the place and we aren’t actually looking after our own bodies. We are responsible for our own pleasure throughout the day.

How present can I be when I brush my hair, when I drink a glass of water, when I walk down the street and with the movement of my hips and thighs connecting with my whole pelvic area. Enjoy and savour everyday sensations.

How did you become an intimacy coach? 

I trained in body-work (massage) when I was 17 and I ended up in a 4 year journey with a Kundalini master. A Kundalini master is someone who has transformed there needful lusting sexual energy into a devotional art and harmonious connection with life. Increasing the flow of life force that travels through the body. Within this time a profound understanding of the body’s energy systems unfolded for me.

I also worked with traumatic release, Taoist practices and Rebirthing Breathwork.

It started more focused sexual energy work with friends as they wanted to know why I was in pleasure all the time. They enjoyed being around me and they often noticed I was experiencing something they weren’t, and they asked what was going on for me. So I began to share and it has grown from there.

What’s the best part of your job?

I love it when I have been working with a woman and she emails me to say she has just had an orgasm with her partner for the first time ever, or I’ve been working with a woman who’s been trying to get pregnant and she does. When the shifts they were looking for have happened and often things they didn’t expect happen that were even better than what they came to me originally for.

Who has really inspired you?

A woman that inspired me to have the confidence to step out and share was a women called Rachael Jayne Groover (www.rachaeljayne.com). She coaches how to stay feminine and centred in ourselves within business.

Andy Portman is a fantastic breath work and Taoist teacher ( www.livingtao.co.uk).

I also admire Mooji (www.mooji.org) and Gangaji (www.gangaji.org).

To find out more about our retreats click here
Interviewed by Lucy Arrowsmith.

 

 

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